How to Re-Program Your Self-Talk

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How to Re-Program Your Self-Talk

Self-talk - or the little voice that whispers in your ear constantly - can be your greatest ally or a constant thorn in your side.

It can give you confidence, strength, love, and abundance, or it can be a gremlin that saps your energy, brings you down, and dooms you to failure.

All too often, our negative self talk goes on all day just below the surface and it cripples us. These gremlins and negative self-talk frequently reinforce common thinking errors:

Should, Ought, or Must Statements: Internalizing the views of others. Ex: I should work at a prestigious company.

All or Nothing Thinking: Seeing things only in extremes; black and white thinking. Ex: I'm always wrong.

Overgeneralization: Taking one data point and making general conclusions. Ex: All people in that country are stupid.

Catastrophizing: Ignoring facts and imagining only the worst case scenario. Ex: I just know we're going to fail at this project.

Personalization: Attributing external circumstances to yourself, when in reality they have nothing to do with you. Ex: My boss did not say hello to me this morning; he must be angry at me.

In understanding self-talk, the question is not whether it is objectively right or wrong. That is nearly impossible to determine and often silly, given that events and situations usually have multiple legitimate interpretations.

The real question is whether your self-talk is effective or ineffective in bringing about the life you desire.

As we examined on my positive thinking page, your thoughts influence your feelings and your world-view, and these cause you to take particular actions. Because your thoughts often translate directly into action, they often become self-fulfilling prophecies.

In addition, thoughts and actions literally change the structure of our brain by creating and reinforcing neural pathways . See my page on brain plasticity for more information.

So, the more you use positive self-talk, the stronger it gets.

Unfortunately, this also means the more you engage in negative self-talk the stronger it gets as well.

But, here's the good news: for as long as you live, you can create new neural pathways and strengthen and reinforce them. And, when you create new neural pathways and strengthen them into habits, the old ones become obsolete and, like old railroad tracks no longer in use, are de-constructed by your brain and recycled.

By learning to create new neural pathways that reinforce good self-talk that in turns generates good habits and good action, you can literally re-program your brain.

Here's how to do it.

Step 1: Notice Your Self-Talk
Before you can re-program your self-talk, you must keenly observe what it actually is. What is the gremlin whispering in your ear?

To do this, I recommend the following exercise to learn to watch the show:

Lay down on the floor with a pillow below your head. Get comfortable. (Don't do this on a bed or sofa where you might fall asleep).

Take 10 deep breaths. Let your body relax completely.

Starting at your feet and moving to your legs, pelvis, abdomen, chest, throat and head, let each part of your body relax. Once it relaxes, move onto the next part.

After you've relaxed your head, take a few deep breaths. Then, watch for your next thought. Did you see that part of you - the observer - that was watching for the thought? That is your awareness. Rest as that awareness.

Rest as that awareness - as the neutral observer - and just watch the show. Just as if you were at a movie, watch your thoughts come across your mind. Do not label them, argue with them, or get involved with them in any way. Simply watch the show.

You'll notice that a constant parade of thoughts come across your mind. After several minutes, they will begin to slow down.

As they slow down, focus your attention in your stomach on your breath. Ask your inner self, "which beliefs are holding me back?"

Listen for an answer from your intuition. If no answer comes, that's okay too.

When you're ready, take a few deep breaths, slowly come out of the meditation and return to normal waking consciousness.

Once you've finished, record your experience. Make a list of the negative beliefs you have and list the positive beliefs too. In the next step, we'll work on re-programming the negative beliefs and affirming the positive beliefs.

Step 2: Rewrite Your Story
Now that you clearly see what your negative self-talk beliefs are, we can begin to re-write the story. (This is a technique derived from cognitive-behavioral therapy.)

Draw a line vertically down the middle of a sheet of paper. On the left side, list your negative self-talk beliefs. Get them all out there. Look at them. As you look at them, what do you notice? How much power do they hold over you? Are you willing to change them?

Then, on the corresponding right side of the paper, rewrite your story. Literally. Simply write down what a more effective belief would be. We're exercising Personal Authorship here.

"But I can't do that! What if my negative thoughts are true?!" you might be saying.

Yes you can. Here's why. For any given situation, there are a variety of interpretations. Two people always see the same situation differently, even if only slightly. The belief you hold is simply a belief you internalized, made up, or otherwise somehow accepted.

So, given that you put it there in the first place, you can put a new one there. Personal Authorship.

Your story becomes your reality.

So write a good one.

Here's how this might work:

Old Story                                   New Story
I'm fat                                       I'm lean and strong and healthy

I'll never get promoted                 I'm talented and worthy of promotion

I'm afraid I am courageous in the face of fear

I'm stuck    I look for opportunities around me
I'm poor                                     I have a lot to be thankful for

In addition to rewriting these stories, be sure to capture your existing positive stories. We'll use these as affirmations as well.

Step 3: Reprogram in a New Story
After you get clear about your new, more effective stories, we will use visualization meditations to program them deeply into your body-mind.

To begin, pick two or three affirmations you would like to start with. These could be priority areas or they could be ones you think you could accomplish easily.

Grab a blank sheet of paper. Write the affirmation down 10-20 times. If you have negative stories pop up, flip the paper over and jot the negative story down on the back. But, keep writing the positive affirmation down until you've done so 10-20 times.

Next, prepare for the visualization.

Find somewhere quiet you can remain interrupted for 15-20 minutes.

Find a comfortable position. Sit with your legs crossed in a meditation pose, sit down in a straight backed chair with your feet on the ground, or lie down on the floor on your back. Close your eyes. In each of these positions be sure to keep your spine straight. (I prefer lying down for visualizations, but if you do this be sure not to fall asleep.)

Breathe deeply. Take several deep breaths, in and out.

As you breathe out, think of exhaling all of the toxins, worries, and tension you're holding in your body.

As you breath in, think of breathing in love and compassion. (You can substitute that for relaxation, contentment, or whatever works for you.)

Continue breathing. Take several more deep breaths. Then, each time you breath out, count down a step from 10 to 1. At one, you will be completely relaxed and peaceful.

At 1, take a few more deep breaths and feel the relaxation.

Then, begin visualizing opening your energy centers and coming into balance:

Feel a golden ball of light above your head. Breathe through this light, and feel it growing and expanding.

Feel a golden ball of light above your throat. Breathe through this light, and feel it growing and expanding.

And then through your stomach. ..

And your pelvis

And your feet

Feel all of the energy centers as balls of light. Breathe deeply.

Then feel the energy pool up at your feet, and breathe it in as you feel it come up your body.

As you exhale, feel the energy coming from your head, cascading down all around you like a fountain.

Continue like this for as long as you like.

When you're ready, begin the process of saying your affirmation.

Say your affirmation aloud several times.

Then, say your affirmation aloud several times and try to visualize the situation, quality, or feeling you desire in as much detail as possible.

Next, say your affirmation aloud several times, visualize the situation, and try to feel it the sensations of the situation, quality, or feeling in your body.

Rest here as long as you like.

When you are ready, take a few deep breaths and a few moments to come out, and return to normal waking consciousness.

Repeat this process several times within the first week. In addition, write your affirmation down in places you will see it throughout the day. Return to it frequently and say it to yourself often to program it in and create the neural connections. Once you firmly establish the new pattern in your mind and the feeling in your body, you can let it work for you and return to it when you need it.

For more visualizations to help you reprogram your internal dialogue, please view my visualization exercises page.

Step 4: Take Action
Practice living your belief and take action. Seek to embody your new story in the world.

For example, if you're new story is, "I'm courageous in the face of fear," practice being courageous. Start taking small risks, and then bigger risks, and then slightly bigger risks that involve being courageous in the face of fear. This might include talking to new people, trying a new activity, giving a public lecture. . .it could be anything.

Whatever it is, start in small ways to take action and embody your belief in the world. Work up to larger things and as you do, your confidence will grow.

There's a saying in New Guinea: "You haven't learned it until it's in the muscle."

Practice living your new belief. Each day will present you with a new opportunity to use your self-talk to demonstrate you power. Step up to the challenge.

For more information, I recommend two wonderful books:

Creative Visualizations, by Shakti Gawain. This wonderful book presents timeless wisdom and practices for re-programming your self-talk through visualizations and affirmations. I highly recommend this book and her audio visualizations, which you can buy on iTunes.

Taming Your Gremlin, by Rick Carson. This book is a very playful look at self-talk and turning gremlins on your shoulder into helpers that whisper inspiring words to you.

I hope you've enjoyed this article about re-programming your self-talk.

Remember, your self-talk can work for you or against you. And, the stories we tell ourself are all made up. So choose the stories that will be effective for you and use them to design a life you love.

Good luck on your journey.

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