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Overcoming Barriers to Personal Growth
Barriers to personal growth can thwart your personal and professional growth efforts. This page will help you identify these barriers and learn to overcome, sidestep, and work through them. Although there are many barriers and each person's situation is of course different, here we'll discuss these barriers to personal growth: 
Now, a note of caution. Although we're discussing barriers to personal growth, think of these barriers to personal growth also as opportunities for personal growth. That is, use these barriers to personal growth as more fuel for your fire as you learn to work through them. Also, note that the solutions below are not meant as trite "quick-fixes" to barriers to personal growth. They are meant as pointers to the path through these barrier.
BusynessYour personal growth is highly important but it is not urgent. (It's in Q2 on the time management matrix.) It will not scream at you and demand resolution like "urgent" matters. But being "too busy" to focus on your own growth and thinking you'll do it "later" will leave you, many years later, wondering where the time went. You might feel like you wasted your time - even though you thought yourself in the midst of important activities. Solution: Hit pause. To get off the treadmill, you have to get off the treadmill. Learn some time management techniques that can help you systematically devote time to your personal development. Tyranny of the ShouldsLiving your life according to what you think others think you "should do" will stall your efforts. In short, when thoughts of I "should do this" or I "should do that" take over and drive your decision-making and internal thought processes, you begin to live inauthentically and chase false hopes for happiness. Solution: Identify what you want. What's most important to you? What do you want your life to be about? What legacy do you want to leave the world when you die? Clarify your values, write a personal constitution, and take a stand for who you are. FearFear takes many forms. Some of the most insidious forms are fear of failure, fear of being hurt, fear of intimacy, and fear of the unknown. Whatever it is, fear can stop you in your tracks. Solution: Do not try to overpower it. "What you resist will persist." Ironically, the way to beat fear is to embrace it. Let it be there and remain a while. Notice it. When you are able to watch fear mindfully, it begins to dissolve. With fear, the only way out is through. Mindfulness meditation is an excellent way to learn to deal with the fear. The Seduction of More"If I only had _____, I'd be happy, content, peaceful, enlightened. . ." Watch out. That's a trap. The seduction of more will keep you chasing your tail forever. Solution: Appreciate what you have. Cultivate gratitude. Keep a gratitude journal and identify what means the most to you now. This will guide you to identify what you truly want out of life, instead of the idea that simply something "more" will satisfy you.  The GremlinThe gremlin is the voice that whispers in your ear, "You're not ____ enough." You're not smart enough, fast enough, talented enough, good looking enough, rich enough, spiritual enough. . . .The gremlin can sabotage you, stop you in your tracks, and begin a cascading effect of negative emotions. And then, the "story" the gremlin whispers in your ear becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Solution: Learn to re-write your "story." The "story" the gremlin whispers in your ear is actually just a story that you made up. So make up another one. And this time, make up one that works better for you. A simple way to remember is to: Name It, Claim It, and Reframe It. If it helps you, reframe it first to a little less negative story, then a neutral, story, then a mildly positive story, then a wildly positive story. This technique, called finding a "Better-Feeling Thought," can help you back yourself out of a corner. For excellent and fun resources to practice Taming Your Gremlin, one of the most nagging of the barriers to personal growth, check out Rick Carson's books. Feelings of Inadequacy:One of the most insidious gremlins is feeling inadequate. "You're not ____ enough." When you start believing the gremlin's story, you lose confidence. Solution: (1) Identify what you already have that you appreciate. Keep a gratitude journal to train yourself to appreciate successes and good things already present in your life. (2) And, learn to identify and use your strengths. (3) As mentioned above, learn to Name, Claim, and Reframe the gremlin and write a new story. BlindspotsDefinition of a Blindspot: That which others see about you but you don't see about yourself. They can be negative - such as a temper or poor interpersonal skills. Or, it can be positive, such as a particular strength. Blind spots that are positive are sad, because they represent an untapped strength. But blind spots that are negative can absolutely halt your personal growth efforts and wreak havoc in your life. Solution: Cultivate self-awareness of the good, the bad, and the ugly about yourself. Get feedback from those who know you well. Do not deny or push away feedback that does not fit with your self-image. All feedback is others' perceptions, so take it with a grain of salt, but those perceptions are important. Dissociation and Repression of Your ShadowWhen you are unable to accept parts of yourself that do not fit with your self image, and instead deny them, repress them, and try to act as if they do not exist, you do yourself a great disservice. That psychic energy will manifest in other ways and can lead to psychological disturbances that will leave you climbing the developmental ladder limping and bloody, as Ken Wilber says. Examples of parts of ourselves that we deny or repress can include sexuality, anger, ambition, and many others. Solution: Learn to integrate all parts of your being. Mind-body practices, mindfulness meditation in which you learn to watch and accept your thoughts, and psychotherapy can all help you learn to feel more integrated and accepting of who you are. Also, Ken Wilber's book Integral Life Practice provides an excellent discussion of how to integrate your shadow, an important process in overcoming the barriers to personal growth. There is Better than Here. . .Similar to the "Seduction of More," thinking "there is better than here" is often a trap. Yes, it is true that certain situations suit us better than others. Yet, it is the same You in each situation - your habits, your thoughts, your ways of thinking. Work to develop those, and you may see your situation with new eyes. Solution: Cultivate gratitude. Work to appreciate what you have. Learn to meditate and identify the thoughts that pull you around. Learn to re-write your story. And, learn to accept what is. Only by accepting what is, and living Now, can you change your future. Focusing Too Much on the Past and FutureIt is never the past. It is never the future. It is always Now. It is never not Now. By spending your days ruminating on the past and plotting for the future, you become powerless because you miss the only thing you can really affect - the Now. Solution: Cultivate mindfulness. Pay attention to where you are. Live there. Be mindful. Meditation is an excellent way to practice. I also recommend Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now for a complete discussion.
I hope this discussion of the barriers to personal growth may prove useful for you. Remember, the discussions of solutions are not quick-fixes. They are pointers to practices you can use to work through that barrier. Also, as I mentioned above, it is helpful to learn to USE these barriers to personal growth as powerful teachers. Think of them as a challenge and something to be curious about, and use them to fuel your fire. Good luck on your path. Leave Barriers to Personal Growth and return to About Personal Growth Main Page Leave Barriers to Personal Growth Growth and Return to BPGR HomeRelated Articles:
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